Ma Vhenan (My Heart)
by Vylix
Summary: Starting from post final battle/pre-epilogue Dragon Age Inquisition and continuing beyond the current story. Mage Lavellan (F!Elf Inquisitor) x Solas. Main cast will be Lavellan, Solas, Dorian, Cole and possibly Blackwall or Ironbull. (soon to be) Multi-chapter. Sorry it's taking a while for next chapter! Finals take up so much time /3


The weight of the world had finally been lifted off of Lavellan's chest. The Inquisition was successful, she had led her people to victory, sealing the breach at last. Her companions and soldiers were having a well deserved celebration. Beer and wine flowed and conversations were more enthusiastic than they had been in months. As Lavellan walked though the crowd of people they grew strangely quiet in anticipation. Some had heard whispers about her relationship problems, Some wanted to be able to clearly hear her victory speech, and a few simply wanted to enjoy being close to the woman who led them.

As Lavellan made her way through the crowd she kept a forced smile on her face. She was satisfied with her men, but their victory was overshadowed by the pain in her heart. She reached the stairs towards Skyhold, taking advantage of the height to take a hopeful glance around for Solas before getting to business. When Lavellan had reached her advisers midway up the stairs she turned to the crowd, ready to address most of them for the last time. Some soldiers, traders and craftsmen may stay, but many would return home, at least for a time.

Leliana placed her hand on Lavellan's shoulder and squeezed gently before stepping back behind her. Lavellan began her speech, putting every ounce of effort into finding words that would honour those that had fallen, and those who still live. For a few moments she felt the full enormity of what they had done, and felt a brief halt in the pain that had burdened her on the journey home. For a few moments she was fully engulfed in the glory, the victory and the relief. When her speech was done, Leliana asked for a moment of her time. She explained that they had still not found Solas. Lavellan felt the pain surge once more, simply nodding slightly in acknowledgement. Leliana, having been betrayed in her own past felt sympathy and hugged The Inquisitor.

"I understand how you feel, Lavellan. I'm sorry." Leliana whispered before releasing Lavellan from her embrace.

Lavellan turned to the crowd once more, smiling to them to hide that she was still searching, hoping in vain to find Solas. She nodded to the crowd then continued on towards the main hall. The hall was crowded, Food and drink was laid out across the tables. Friends she had made despite the dire circumstances of their introductions were scattered around the room. Putting on the same smile she held outside she began to work her way towards her quarters, politely nodding at those who looked to her. She made her way down the crowded hall, smiling to the allies she fought beside but not stopping to talk. The pain in her heart was welling up and she did not know how long she could hold her false happiness. Dorian and Cole had both given Lavellan looks of particular concern. Dorian had come to be one of Lavellan's closest friends and when he caught her gaze they both shared in a sad smile for a moment. Dorian gave a nod to Lavellan, she knew they would speak later. Cole, now spirit enough to return to the fade kept his eyes on the inquisitor. He could feel her pain as she walked across the room.

"Smiling but not pleased. Holding back waves of sorrow. Wanting, waiting. Will it stop hurting? A kiss in a dream, A mark there but now gone. Held and loved but no longer. Where are you? Holding back tears. No farewell. Screaming inside "I love you, I love you." Will you come home? I can't do this without you," Cole mumbled under his breath as he listened to Lavellan's thoughts. He looked to Dorian who met his gaze and shook his head slightly. Cole nodded and went back to the festivities, knowing Dorian wanted her to have time. Reaching the doorway to her room, Lavellan took one final look. Solas was not there. Emotions began to well up in her chest. She ran to her room and exhaled a cry of misery as her body slammed against the door, closing it. She slid to the floor and hugged her knees.

A few hours had passed, Lavellan's eyes were red and swollen from crying. She stretched her legs, stiff from being hugged close to her body for too long. They ached, but she could not feel it. Lavellan was numb. She stumbled to her feet and staggered through the darkness to her balcony. The sky was dark and most of the festivities had died down. Gently Lavellan ran her hand across the rails, feeling the smooth cold stone against her hand. She looked out to the mountains surrounding Skyhold.

_ You are out there somewhere. Even if Leliana's men can not find you I know you are there, Somewhere._ Far off in the distance she heard a lone wolf howl. A slight smile at the howl crept across her face at the howl, it reminded her of her clan. Never once during this journey had she thought she would be so alone, so stranded, so helpless. She placed her hand to her face where her vallaslin once was. She had allowed Solas to remove her mark in part due to the true meaning of it, but also in part to show that she could not return to her people.

As tears began to well up in Lavellan's eyes once more, the memories she received from the Well of Sorrows began rushing to the front of her mind showing her an ancient spell. She watched the memory of an elven woman of old as drew the wind towards her, imprinting her words into the wind where it was carried as a whisper. Whispers scattered, twisting and winding themselves in every direction, only unfolding in an understandable way when its recipient was found.

Lavellan took a deep breath of the icy air and closed her eyes. She raised her hand to her chest and mimicked the spell. The air begin running gently around her finger, dancing from finger to finger weaving patterns between them as it began to gather. Sliding downwards to her palm the air condensed, creating a little ball which she rolled around her palm. Staring in wonder Lavellan allowed the air to gather until it felt as though it filled her hand. She raised the ball to her lips and began to sing in fluent elvish tongue. She sang out soft notes which were filled with sadness, pain and longing. Her voice began to raise as she let her feelings swell up and fill her body. Tears streamed down Lavellan's face but she did not care. The only thing she could think of was how much she missed Solas, and how she wanted to see him once more. She ended her song, taking in a deep breath of the cold air, unaware the howling in the distance had stopped.

"Come home." Lavellan whispered before she ended her spell by letting go of the wind. The wind unravelled, leaving a faint echo behind in every direction as it began it's journey across Thedas.


End file.
